the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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