Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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