"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Sorry my hands just texted you
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
