was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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