My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
