We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
