I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
