I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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