He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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