she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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