i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
