I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
