Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
