in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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