just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
