Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
