I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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