wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
