he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
