Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
