you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
