I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
