I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
