bring money and cleavage
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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