Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
