He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
