My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
