i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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