She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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