i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
