If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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