my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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