Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
