According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
