guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
