Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
