I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
