The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
