Dual....:-)
So drunk its hurt
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
