I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
