i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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