need another drink. this is the easiest way
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm too high and old for this...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
