Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
