so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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