I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
