I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
