is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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