my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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