so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
