What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
