omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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